| After much self reflection (note, if you are not interested, simply skip to the bottom of this post-there may be something yet of interest) I have discovered several things about my self.
1. I am different for different people. I'm not a different person, rather, I highlight certain qualities of mine. I am quite and observant at work, I am crazy with friends, I am serious and intellectual at school/debate, etc. Of course, my qualities are not completely absent from these arenas-I am still rather crazy at school and debate, perhaps because my friends are present. The strangest part of this quality of mine, is that I embrace it. Most people would be disappointed in themselves for not 'being themselves,' but this is just part of who I am. I also think that everyone changes themselves a little when with different people, its judge adaptation. That's right. I said it. In this great mass of people on this earth, there are judges. We all judge, whether we want to or not. Some judge more often than others, some judge more critically than others, and some act on their judgements more than others. The world has become a courtroom.
2. I have a lot of regrets, and unlike many brave souls, I would love a chance to go change those things. But I can't, and not all dreams can come true.
I wish life were similar to a speech round. I wish that one of the judges in the courtroom would write me a critique sheet and tell me how I'm doing; what am I doing wrong, what do I need to fix. I think that's where friends come in, but you feel like a bad friend when you tell your friend to change something. This, I discovered this weekend. I gave some terrible advice, and feel like an awful person. I hope this person realizes that I just want them to have fun and experience these changes that are about to happen. This all brings me to the third thing I've discovered...
3. I don't think. Ok, I do. Sometimes I think I have a great idea, but when I act on it it turns out to be the worst idea I've ever had. I think this is because of number four.
4. I'm disconnected from the world. Yet, I feel so connected. I think its because I observe and don't take part, and then when I do take part I end up looking like a baffoon.
5. I am annoying. I annoy people without realizing it, people that I care about.
Well, that's it for now. I wonder what my next Erickson stage will bring.
On other things...I love bonfires. I love how they've turned into such a natural plan B (no, not like the birth control) option for hanging out. Who says 'no' to bonfires? Nobody, except people who don't want to smell like fire, but that's ok if they don't come. I am just kidding. I also love how bonfires facilitate every mood: calm, crazy, reflective, scary, etc. Anyways, I am thinking about having a BONFIRE this weekend. Let me know whether it'd be good for you, otherwise I could have it on the 7th of July. Bottomline, I need to have a bonfire before I leave. Let me know what works best.
~Dana
EDIT: FRICKING, I want to go buy and burn me a flag. The House and Senate are wasting their time with rolling back liberties, once again. They could, you know, be doing something like, oh idk, figuring something out about Iraq, do something about Darfur, fix Social Security and Medicare, or maybe even finally establish reformed immigration law. But nope, they've opted to roll back liberties, a liberty only 4 people have taken this year.
EDIT 2: all is right with the world. |
